Gone And Back Again
by katelynnsmusings
Summary: Six years is a long time, and Nicky's not sure what to do when she sees a face from her past in a park.


Prison dragged on - and on, and on, and _on_.It was a never ending cycle of days that turned in to months, weeks, years - which turned in to more years than Nicky had ever planned on spending behind bars, thanks to fucked up drug-fueled choices and standing at her family's side in a hidden pool one day. Brought straight to max with added years on her sentence, she had pretty much given up hope of ever getting out. Prison was going to kill her - it was going to drain her until nothing remained of the person she had once been or the person she had become with her family at her side in Litchfield.

She'd accepted that fate. Embraced it. Let max turn her in to shell of the person she had been until suddenly there was no trace of Nicky Nichols left in the body she had once claimed.

And then suddenly it was over, and lifeless eyes found themselves on a prison bus being shipped to the nearest bus station with a parole officer watching her like a hawk. She had a shitty little apartment in a halfway house, 75 dollars and no idea how she was supposed to become a person again. How the fuck was she supposed to reintegrate with society when she'd spent almost ten years behind bars? She'd never been good in the first place. The world wouldn't want her.

She had to anyways.

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She had been out a month when she finally got a shitty job at a shitty little pizza joint. She was surprised they took her at all but hey - she could get the lady from the house off her back about at least one thing.

She'd been there two weeks before they fired her.

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Time dragged on. Life dragged one. Days became weeks became months. The monotony never stopped but slowly, piece by piece, Nicky started feeling like a human again. A drained, hopeless human but a human none the less. She became friends with one of the chicks across the hall, learned to have a conversation with another person again. She learned how to look after herself again.

All of that progress felt like it meant nothing when a familiar silhouette brought back memories of a girl she had once loved so many years before.

She shot up for the first time since Litchfield that night, in the alley besides her halfway house so they couldn't get mad at her for having drugs in the building and kick her out.

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She'd thought it was a dream, but it wasn't'cause two days later as she was walking through a park she saw the same woman she'd seen before and _God_ it was her. Older, maybe wiser - maybe not. It was the first time she'd ever seen Lorna with her hair not curled up, but there was a smile on her face as she watched a little boy cross some monkey bars from a wooden bench.

Lorna didn't see her. Nicky kept walking. She couldn't tell if this was the past trying to haunt her or a blessing from a God she didn't believe in. She knew, she _knew_ , that Lorna Morello was the key to the last piece of her humanity, but at the same time she knew the woman also tore her a part.

She'd talk to Lorna if she was there on the way back, Nicky decided. She was gone - must have been fate.

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It was hard not to keep seeing her after that, though. Nicky hadn't realized how often Lorna visited that park - must live near by or something. She'd never pictured Lorna as a New York girl but maybe Vinnie lived here or some shit. She didn't give that much thought to it - or at least she said she wouldn't. (She did anyways.)

Eventually, though, Lorna saw her.

"Nicky?" She hadn't expected to be summoned, especially in _that_ voice - but really, she knew it would happen eventually. Maybe that was why she kept walking through this park. Maybe that was why she kept holding on. Maybe that's why she'd had the one hit and fought off the urge to do it again, as hard as that was.

Nichols stopped in her tracks, pursing her lips together and turning towards the small figure.

"Lorna." She didn't know what else to say. She didn't know what there was to say. There's a pregnant pause, and she breaks the silence."How've you been?"

"I've been okay you know, just makin' sure my babies are okay; same old, same old." Lorna offers her a smile, and then looks away to glance towards the play equipment.

When Lorna says babies, Nicky's gaze turns to the kid she'd seen her watching time and time before. That's when she notices the toddler the kid is playing with has been the same each and every time. Fuck. Maybe she'd done some good calling Vinnie all those years ago - apparently the man had at least half a set of balls and did the right thing. _Did the thing she couldn't_ \- the thought crossed her mind and she hated herself for it.

"Babies, eh? Popped out another?" She tries to hold a conversation but she doesn't know how. This isn't prison and she's not the same person that she used to be.

"Yeah." She smiles in the direction of the kids and Nicky can't take her eyes off of Lorna.

Next thing she knows the screams of two crotch fruit are interrupting the silence.

"Mommy who's this?" The boy asks, holding his little sister's hand. The girl's a spitting image of her mother and for the first time in a long time Nicky feels something other than nothing - regret. Regret that she'd gone to max in the first place, that she'd called Vinnie, that it had been six years since she'd last seen the one person she'd ever really loved.

And regret that she felt jealous, petty. Regret that she wants to be by Lorna's side even after all of these years, because _fuck_ \- she had no right to think these things about a married woman.

"Sammy this is Nicky, she's an old friend of mine." Lorna crouches down to the kid's level to speak to him, and then looks up at Nicky with a smile."Nicky this is Sammy, and his little sister is Sara."

"You don't have friends." The five year old's remark is curt and Nicky has to try not to laugh about how straightforward kids can be. Lorna, however, isn't very impressed - the smile on her face turns in to a frown and she pushes lightly against the boy's lower back.

"Go play, Sammy. Take your sister with you." Lorna's got a serious tone and the same frown forms on Sammy's face as he grabs his sister by the wrist and begins to run back off.

"Looks like you've got a handful," Nicky said with a chuckle once the coast was clear again.

"Yeah, I love em though."

"Vinnie good with them?" _Vinnie even in the picture still_? She couldn't see that man being good with kids, let alone these kids _and_ their mother.

"He, uh… He's amazing with them, loves em to bits." There's hesitation in her voice, and Nicky knows immediately there's more to the story.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Lorna nods, quick and jolty. Silence fills the air and Nicky cocks her eyebrows, silently asking if she Lorna was sure about that.

"On weekends, okay. He's great with them - on weekends. He left me after I got pregnant with Sara. Are you happy now?"

For a second, Nicky's taken aback by Lorna's tone and she flinches away.

"Nah. Not happy. Just knew you weren't telling the truth," Nicky says and she finally takes a seat on the bench besides Lorna, close enough that their fingers almost touch."What happened? I knew he was a piece of work but you'd think he woulda left, y'know, _before_ knocking you up again if he had a problem."

"I don't know. I thought things were great. Sammy was a baby, you know. We moved here a couple months after I got out'cause he was livin' with his mother and y'know, we needed the space. And I get pregnant, and he says he's had'enough of this shit' and just… goes. I didn't want him to, and I mean… We was great you know? I had my husband and my son and it was great."

Nicky bites her lip, but leans over to rub Lorna's back anyways.

"That's rough babe." She takes her hand off of Lorna and wonders what she's supposed to do now. Years ago it would have been simple - tell her how amazing she is, that she'll always be there for her, but right now Nicky can't even be there for herself let alone the special brand of crazy that makes up the most beautiful person she's ever had the pleasure of seeing.

"And I mean… I'm raisin' two babies on my own now Nicky. I never wanted this. It's easier, 'cause Sammy, he's in school now, but… I never wanted to be raisin' my kids on my own." Years ago, Lorna would have been in tears by now, having a meltdown that she swore she'd never recover from. She's not, though - she's distressed, that Nicky can tell, but she's doing a damn good job of not causing a scene.

Huh, people really can grow.

"Well, hey. I'm not much use right now, but you got a friend in me any time you need it okay?" She rests her elbows on her knees and slouches forwards, looking up towards Lorna. She then glances at her watch, and realizes the time - she was supposed to hit up a job interview and if she didn't leave now she'd be right fucked.

"Look, uh, you got a phone?" Lorna reaches in to her pocket and pulls out a cell, which Nicky grabs and puts the number to her place in to."If you need me, any time, call me. Uh, before 10. Or I can get in shit. But I have a thing I really need to get to."

"Oh… okay." Lorna's got puppy dog eyes on her face now, silently begging Nicky to stay and she would, she really would, but fuck she can't miss this interview or she'll be in shit. She's on her last chance to have a place to live and not even Lorna Morello is worth being homeless for.

"Look, I don't wanna go. Really. But I'll see you around, okay? I better." She says it but part of her hopes that she doesn't, that she doesn't get pulled back down the rabbithole that is Lorna Morello - but the other part of her thinks that's exactly what she needs to become herself again.


End file.
